Percentage of Abusive Men

Compiling statistics on how many men abuse women can be challenging from a number of standpoints. For example, many if not most women refuse to report the abuse. Children, especially, can work hard to hide signs of abuse. There are all sorts of reasons they hide the evidence and stay mute. They are ashamed because they feel it's "their fault" and they deserved to be hit or abused. They are scared about being left alone. They are scared about being hurt or killed for speaking out. They are worried their family and friends won't believe them anyway.

I have heard first hand accounts from a number of women who were abused - either sexually, by being beaten, or both - and whose family simply refused to believe this was going on. The guy was charming. Everyone loved him. That, of course, is his mask - it's the reason he's so successful. If he actually were some sort of hunchback monster then few women would fall into his snare in the first place and even fewer would leave. It's his combination of slick apologies, charismatic wooing of family and friends, and then subterranean abusive behavior which creates the perfect storm.

Parents wouldn't leave their darling daughter alone with a creepy, greasy-haired, wild-eyed vagrant. However, they gladly leave their daughter with the friendly, charming, never-hurt-a-fly guy. That's his secret to his success.

So how often does this happen? Again, it's currently impossible to get hard figures, because in most cases the women simply will not speak up. But I will comment that it seems that up to 25% of women are sexually abused as children. Thatís generally not a one-time "mistake" made by a grandfather by accident. Itís generally a recurring issue. That therefore means about 25% of men are willing to sexually abuse a child. So to me those are the "worst of the worst" - and itís not even including men who rape adult women. Or men who beat their kids or beat their wives.

So let's add into that starting number the men who rape adult women. Rape of women between the ages of 18-24 is almost at catastrophic levels. The women just get into drinking, the men are at their highest testosterone levels, and rape is the result. Again I donít personally consider a rapist to be a casual guy who made a slight oops. Rape, as any rape victim will attest to, is an act of violence.

So I think even if we "just" include men willing to sexually abuse children thatís bad enough. If we then add rape into there, then weíre getting into fairly large numbers.

I know a woman who was raised by a happy Christian family. She was brought up to respect herself and others. So this was not a woman with an awful self image who went seeking "bad boys". She was raped as a teenager. She pushed through it with help and raised her daughter alone. She then met a Christian man who said he would care for the two of them. She married him, and he then also became abusive. This can't be wild chance, that there are only a tiny number of abusive men out there and she just happened to find the only two in her sphere.

Through my websites I run into a great number of women from all backgrounds. In most cases a person would never guess that they had been raped or abused. Women tend to hide these things. But when I get to know them over time, and begin having serious discussions with them, it is scary how many of them have gone through those situations. It's not just a few of them. It is a substantial portion of them.

Yes, when we look at guys around us, we wouldn't guess that such a large percentage have an abusive aspect to their personality. These guys are quite charming in regular life - itís how they hold onto the women. Itís a skill theyíve honed. If they were nasty, the women wouldnít be nearly as likely to stay. So in a way to be abusive they *have* to be charming, to have someone there to abuse.

Hereís an analogy in terms of how things are hidden. Would you think that many women you know have had an abortion? By the time a woman hits age 55, 40% of them have had at least one abortion. Would we know about it, to walk in our community? If you're sure that nobody you know has had one, how could you really be sure, given the statistics?

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