Jeff W - First Boyfriend

Ahhh, the 80s. A time of big hair, rock bands and the very first computers. I was very lucky to grow up in a household that always had computers and modems, even back when the computer was a mere terminal with thermal paper rolls in it, that you had to dial up to connect to a computer across the country for it to work. I spent my formative years in the 70s and early 80s typing in commands in BASIC, writing adventure games to keep myself entertained.

In 1984 I was connecting to one of the very first bulletin board systems, or BBSs, that another person in the area had set up in his home. A BBS was when a person attached their computer to a phone line and let other people literally dial into it one at a time and leave messages. You got a lot of busy signals, as you competed with other people for use of that one phone line :)

On this BBS my nickname was Nyssa, after the Dr. Who character. Nyssa was an intelligent engineer and I was always very impressed that this female computer-loving character existed. She was a role model for me. I started talking with Riff Raff, named after the Rocky Horror Picture Show character. I started sending Riff Raff lyrics to songs, and they got more romantic as they went. It took him several weeks of talking before he realized I was female - he assumed that anyone on a BBS would be male!

I'd never had a real boyfriend before so I was shy, but typing words on a computer was something I'd done since I was tiny, so that made it much easier. Still, it took us a few months of talking on the BBS and on the phone before he offered to drive the hour each way trip to come up and see me. Boy, was I nervous! I was 15 and had never been on a date. I was always the shy one at school, far too nervous to talk to guys.

Our first "date" was simply him talking to me at our house, sitting on the sofa. I felt like my mom and sister were watching me from the other room! As he left, he asked me for a quick kiss. I was really embarassed but I gave him a peck in the garage. And thus it began, he was visiting me every weekend.

I was so happy! Jeff was smart, he was funny, he was into all the things I was into. He cared about me, and was a great balance between 'game to have fun' and 'being responsible'. He never tried to pressure me, like some of the other boyfriends of my friends at the time. But he also was not shy and obsequious. He was a great, best friend that I could also be romantic with.

He got me roses on Valentine's Day, he sent me flowers when I was in a play. He talked to me for hours and hours at night. He was always very supportive of my dreams.

We went to each others' junior proms and were really happy together. We became intimate. After a while of this, I went to a gynecologist to get on the pill, to be sure I was safe. My mother found out and had a fit. Heck, I was 16 at this point and most of my friends were having sex - at least I was in a very steady relationship (a year at this point) and was being safe!! I just couldn't understand why this seemed like the End of the World to her.

But no, my mother ended up causing us to split up. It was very frustrating to me. My mom wouldn't even let me tell my sister what was going on - my poor younger sister thought I was having an abortion or something. To my sis, it really didn't matter at all that I was having (gasp) sex.

I still remember the last time Jeff came out, and we kissed each other goodbye on the front step. I really didn't want to break up, but my mother was a powerful force in my life. I couldn't keep seeing Jeff if my mom was so against it.

Looking back, Jeff was really about the best I could have hoped for in a first relationship. He was there for me long term. He truly cared about me. He was a fun, smart person that I could have long conversations with. We could disagree on issues without yelling and screaming. I respected him, he respected me.

Jeff and I ended up going to the same college together, and I saw him around occasionally. I was thrilled when he met a woman and married her. Interestingly, the woman he ended up with looked much as I had in high school :). So hopefully he had happy memories of me as well! Jeff ended up running his own company, starting a family, and I am very happy for the path he has found for himself.

Guys I Have Dated

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